I will be getting a new desk chair soon. Not new, but inherited. The one that currently sits downstairs at the only other computer in the house. It will be replaced soon so I can have it in my room; something my back is very pleased about. But this isn’t without sadness.
My current desk chair would be surplus to requirements, this is what is sad. It used to belong to the old dining table and matches the dark pine wood of my bed and desk. It brings the room together and brings together a sense of belonging to the house and to previous years of its use. It makes me feel sentimental but I shouldn’t be that sentimental, in the grand scheme of things, at the moment.
Last night, I was talking to a friend about how dire this year is for graduates. We shifted into that phase of mourning over a career that could have been. Something that has felt stolen from us. Choices we now make feel like moves for us, not impacting the betterment of our careers – many graduates have not even been able to clamber upon a semblance of a semi-stable platform since uni. It’s the whole feeling of shouting into the void.
I have a – yet to be identified – stomach pain. I live with it. It’s a monthly occurrence, may last over three days and then disappears again. It’s really not fun. Like the weird, twisted, digestive sister of abdominal pain. I felt it this morning like a quiet radio wave through my stomach so I waited for it to pass before having a small cup of coffee – as opposed to my usual ocean of black coffee – and my stomach really appreciated that. But then I had a (silly) second cup of coffee and my stomach got angry. Why did I do that? Honestly, I am asking.
Because sometimes (all the time) it’s easy to go for what you want rather than take necessary caution. This is me telling myself off for having that second cup of coffee. And for getting – and wanting to get – sentimental over my OG desk chair, and what could have been. If we lived in a world of ‘what could have been’ nothing would get done. As much as I feel, on a near-daily basis, that choices and thoughts I create have impact only on myself and nothing much else, that can’t be just it.
Comments