Goblin Town

In usual fashion, I am back here because I need to get words together and some thoughts out.

I have picked up a new hobby in recent days of refreshing the webpage of my flatshare ad. In roughly 3/3 and a half months, my fate will be sealed in the apparition or lack thereof of a new flatmate. My current person of interest has decided she is disinterested in living with me and will be moving onwards and upwards in July.

This particular cloud of chaos has me blinking in the reality of potentially needing to move back home.

Honestly, the last two years have been unsettling - alongside a handful of years prior that were less than ideal too. I have no luck in the house-share game which was something I came to terms with a while ago. But all that time and after all those horrors, my head feels as heavy as an anvil. If I have to make my triumphant return to the Shire, I will lower my shoulders for maybe the first time in 4 years.

I have always known that the end game is to have a space of my own. And that dream came from a 9-year-old who just wanted the 5 other people at home to all be out, at the same time, for just 10 minutes. But what I'm doubting now is where the end game is.

I'm not sure where I am in the journey anymore. I've got past the stone trolls, sure. But have I put my cloak on, packed my bag and am ready to leave the cave because the path has been laughably difficult up to now? Or am I more guided by the glowing safety of a city once passed... or rather the quiet fields of the Shire?

I think I'm only just realising that I've been living in Goblin Town up until now.